Grand Theft Auto


There are some calls that I just dread at the office. The interesting ones usually begin, "Now everything is OK but.............." or "You know that little scratch................." Bless, what is it about those little concrete bollards in supermarket car parks that wives are drawn to like they are to Mulberry handbags. 

The calls that make me break out in a cold sweat though, the pencil snapping ones that have me levitating with barely concealed incredulity are the ones that come from the cheerful soul in the Land Rover servicing department. "Hello Sir, bit brisk outside isn't it?" Put all sharp objects down and hold on, you know what's coming............ "Well Sir, we've done a full inspection and I just thought I'd call you before we replace some parts at a cost that would easily cover a two week Caribbean holiday for a family of four..........." Wonderful, just bloody wonderful.

Mine goes in next week and I'm not exactly brimming with confidence having seen this little number that a chum of mine received recently. He levitated with barely concealed incredulity too.

Details are redacted but it really does say, "fuse: £1.99, labour £199, VAT £35.17. That makes a total of £236.16 to change a £1.99 fuse. I can't wait.