Falklands & Fatties

Obesity is, apparently, a growing crisis. Too many fizzy drinks and chocolate bars and not enough exercise. A good war helps to keep the lard off. I recall a Welsh Guards instructor proudly announcing to the course that, "The Guards had more than their body weight in Mars Bars with them on the ships to the Falklands." I enquired if that meant Guardsmen, "were worth their weight in Mars Bars," but he oddly didn't share my sense of humour. Anyway, I largely blame the relentless spread of supermarkets for the expanding girth of the population which brings me to one of my favourite topics, Sainsburys and Tesco's in Haslemere.

Our supermarkets are refreshingly sociable places. It's difficult not to bump into someone you know there and indeed, that's just what happened to me the other day. Now, we don't appear to have too many really large shoppers in Haslemere of the type I've come across elsewhere. The odd one of course but not too many. You know the type I mean, the ones who waddle along in herds until they get in close proximity to the iced bun shelves and start to perspire when they get a whiff of freshly baked bread. Ordinary shoppers and small children rush to the safety of the whole grain bread section as the tubbies develop a speed wobble, thundering toward the iced buns. You can see the manager twitching nervously as the man-made fibres they're wearing begin to smoke and he lifts his radio ready to shout on the tannoy, "heavy lifting gear to aisle 13," if they spin out of control. Mercifully, most of the time they make it and graze peacefully on eclairs, jaffa cakes and of course, the iced buns on discount.

Anyway, there I was the other day and bumped into a friend. I glanced at her trolley, (as you do), and saw it was piled up with chocolate. She then did a very Haslemere thing.

"It's not for me," she said. "It's for the boys. We're going skiing and you know how expensive chocolate is in France. The boys don't really like their chocolate anyway."

Right you are love............. your little secrets safe with me.....