Friendly Competition

My good neighbour and I engage in friendly competition to see who each year is best able to restore his lawn after the ravages of winter and the wear and tear from children and dogs. Mrs Flashbang and his wife think we're bonkers; they may be right. Friendly competition takes us to places only those who know what they are doing, and that definitely doesn't include us, normally go. Scarifying, aerating and fertilising are all part of the cut and thrust of lawn restoration. Then he mentioned rolling, but I think this was taking things just a wee bit too far

He hired a bloody roller. Not just any roller, they have things like this up at the new A3 tunnel. When they say, "rolling the lawn is best left to the experts," they mean, it's best left to the experts. I now suspect that his welcome gesture of goodwill in letting me borrow the engine of destruction was just a ruse to set me back. My lawn now resembles the road from Ypres to Passchendaele in late 1917. I bet the sly bugger didn't even do his.