Evolution Kills Facebook!

 

There was a full moon last night and as we know, odd things tend to happen around full moons, in this instance we welcome back the very odd, yet strangely likable Benedict Farse with some thoughts on social networking, which coincidentally have a thumping loud resonance with my own views on the wretched things. 

 

"It is widely believed that humans originated in Africa about 200,000 years ago and evolved into full behavioural modernity about 48,000 BC.

This of course is wrong.

Humans have been around for billions of years and have not evolved one bit; they just go from boom to bust, endlessly repeating the same mistakes. They start from scratch gradually inventing things until a handful of psychopathic governments blow everyone up with nuclear, biological or chemical weapons. Or worse.

The few survivors then repeat the same cycle. The fossil record is littered with examples of this process but is largely ignored by the ‘experts’ whose survival relies on keeping the status quo.

The next wipe-out will be due to the acceleration of social networking. Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, and Twitter, all have over 100 million users each. In fact the top 16 virtual communities have 4,390,000,000 users. Considering 93% of the world’s population doesn’t yet use social networks, this is truly a mind-boggling schizophrenic figure. 7% of the world’s population on average has 14 different personalities each trying to keep up the pretence of virtual friendships. The proliferation of these sites has only just begun.

When the entire population (approx. 7 billion souls) is signed up to 100 different social networks the world will have a catastrophic identity crisis and no one will know who they are: Am I a top CEO?(LinkedIn), is my band better than U2?* (MySpace), Am I wanted? (Facebook), Why Can’t I Just Shut The Fuck Up? (Twitter), and so on.

Benedict Farse is aware of the problem and is trying to stop Hoffman, Anderson, Zuckerberg, Dorsey, Gates, et al by launching his own social network – FarceBuck.

FarceBuck is more correctly an anti-social networking device. On FarseBuck no one can be your friend, you are alone. The only thing you can do on FarceBuck is to update your status from ‘Poser,’ to ‘Enlightened’. Everyone will be on ‘Poser,’ because to declare oneself enlightened is probably the most poserish thing a person can do, any attempt to change the status will be recognized as the effort of a ‘Poser’ and so the status will automatically be reset to ‘Poser.’

Farse Inc. is also producing a tablet computer to run FarceBuck. The iFarse is a 12foot by 6 foot by 6 foot lump of granite weighing 74,000 llbs (33,000 kilos). Not very portable and utterly useless it encourages the user to stop, sit down, look at its magnificent natural beauty and contemplate the silence.

Eventually the user will realize enlightenment and carve ‘I AM THAT I AM’ in its surface in the ironic font Rockwell Extra Bold.

Benedict fully expects these inventions to go the way of the Betamax, waxed toilet paper, Old English Spangles and Lionel Blair, but hopes the seed of evolution could be planted for the next generation of boom busters."

 

(Benedict will be appearing at a Comedy Night at Below Zero in Mayfair on the 25th October when I and his two other friends will happily part with £3 to watch him).