Time for another report from our old chum Randolph as he describes another chapter in the daily commuting grind,
"There's a new man on the platform for whom I've developed an unreasonable degree of resentment.
I long ago decided that commuting on a daily basis was perfectly bearable once a certain rhythm was established, but to covet any particular type of seat was a slippery slope into nerdism. Besides, a slouch to the same side on a regular basis can't be good for the spine. It's better to mix it up a bit, convince yourself that sitting backwards is perfectly fine, steer clear of the loos and it matters little where you end up and pity those who don't actually have a choice of seats at all.
With all this karma in mind why is it then that I object so much to this young blade who insists on being the one to hit the yellow button?. There you'll be, 15 yrs of experience to tell you where the doors will come to a halt and he springs in from stage left like Billy Goat Gruff (he lurks in the lee of the pedestrian bridge). He's been known to stand aside to let a woman board but he's already ahead of her when it comes to the seats. There's an almost audible sigh as he stakes his claim, movements now in slow motion since the battle's won for another day. Did I imagine it or was he looking round for approbation?
Anyway, no room for smugness later for it was only as he made to get up at London Bridge that he discovered he'd made the schoolboy error of failing to spot the chewing gum. Rather fresh too, made malleable from 45 minutes of pressurised warmth and creating significant drag on his coat which he then had to remove while he made good. A small moment to treasure and a rare high-five to the schoolboy."