So, there I was concerned about being the reluctant recipient of unwanted frivolous tat disguised as birthday gifts and to my very pleasant surprise Mrs Flashbang hit the target square on with the first delicately wrapped package.
Years ago, when living the bachelor life, an old Army friend came to stay at the flat for the weekend. He stayed for three years. One of the characteristics of living with Tim was the never ending stream of pretty girls who used to grace the flat. One, and goodness knows where he found her, was something big in advertising in Manhattan and whenever she flew in, I flew out. Thing is, she was a screamer and I couldn't get a wink of sleep whenever she was in town. Poor Tim was a wreck after every visit and in fact, it used to take both of us days to recover from her exertions. She talked a lot too; non stop in fact and even worse, she didn't much like our local pub so it was inevitable that she'd eventually get the heave which was a relief to me, the load bearing furniture, our local landlord who saw his beer sales enjoy an immediate recovery and most of all Tim who I don't think has ever quite recovered.
A few days after he said the last goodbye Tim threw a bottle of aftershave over to me which had been a gift from the Screamer. He didn't like it, I did and I've used it ever since. I think it's very possibly the best aftershave in the world. If you're a man and you don't believe me just buy some, try it and wait for the reaction from the Missus. If you're a girl and you're looking for a last minute gift then just trust old Crumble and buy some for the Old Man.
Just think, there could be hundreds and blokes out there on Christmas day smelling like Mental Crumble and wondering why the wife / girlfriend has started screaming......