New Market Stabilisation Measures

 

BN-FSA'S HECTOR SANTS SET TO INTRODUCE NEW MARKET STABILISATION MEASURES AS REGULATOR GOES ON THE ATTACK (SOURCE)

FSA chief Hector Sants introduced a raft of new measures aimed at calming the markets after another day of rumour driven gyrations across global markets. In a piece of perspicacious genius seen not since he banned short selling in banks after they'd all gone bust, Sants announced the confiscation of the Control, C and V keys from all sales traders' keyboards. "This will stop the spreading of misinformation emanating from unregulated sources like French government spokespersons," said Sants from his office........ The Sales Trading Industry Association Spokesman Billy Sollocks was unable to string two words of more than a syllable together in reply..........

and quote of the day comes from Macro Man....

*EU MINISTERS TO DISCUSS NUCLEAR-PLANT STRESS TESTS TODAY"

In light of what happened last time the European powers-that-be performed a stress test, evacuation is highly recommended."