Last evening I enjoyed an evening out with Mrs Flashbang to the O2 in South East London. It was my first visit to Tony Blair’s folly but I must say though, it’s pretty impressive. Easy to get to and with plenty of places to eat, the evening would have been a great success were it not for one teeny, weenie, gnawing drawback. …………. Peter Kay wasn’t very funny, which as a bit of a fan, spoilt my late Christmas Present somewhat. Sitting down, as instructed at 7:30pm, I had to sit through some singer called Astly, who I’ve never heard of, for a good 45 minutes. The accompaniment to the singing from the Care in the Community remedial case sitting behind me didn't much add to the evenings enjoyment but you can't win all of life's little lotteries can you. I just didn't expect to hit such a sustained losing streak. I’m sure many more people than this Astly fellas Mum think he’s good and, to be fair, he did some pretty good covers but he wasn’t quite what I was expecting or what was advertised. It was then, with all the more heightened expectation then that I sat forward when the big Lancastrian came on stage. Unfortunately, his funniest joke was one of the first,
Wife: “Why do you never take me somewhere expensive”
Kay: “Alright love, get your coat and we’ll go down t’petrol station.”
The rest of it was pretty ordinary observational humour about things like daytime television ………… eh, it’s London Peter, most people aren’t comedians or unemployed so have no clue about the daytime programmes you’re talking about. I felt a bit cheated to be honest and I like to think I know a little bit about comedy being of course, the bloke who laid out the 800 chairs in the old Caledonian Hotel ballroom in Inverness in 1976 for one of Billy Connelly’s first concerts. In fact, I nodded off a couple of times in the second half, that was until I felt the familiar sharp prod in the ribs from the War Office. One thing is for sure and for certain; the O2 is far too big for a comedian. There is simply no connection with the audience and being too remote for heckling, the traditional quality control on rubbish material is bypassed. I think the current fad for big comedy gigs will pass; after all, they are just a platform for producing the annual Christmas DVD. I wouldn’t bother buying that either…………… stick to Phoenix Nights; now that was comedic genius.
Oh, and by the way; to the pretty young thing who showed me how to buy a ticket from the machine at London Bridge station, which was obviously designed by a cunning dyslexic with a grudge against society, thank you. I must remember not to shout at ticket machines; it unnerves the other passengers.
By the way, I know it's been a while since I've been on the tube but what happened to the chocolate machines that used to sell Tiffin?