SWT; Stand & Deliver


I hate South West Trains. If they walked around in striped jerseys, masks and carried large bags marked "swag," it couldn't be more obvious that they have been given free license it relieve passengers of hard earned money at every available opportunity and with precious little oversight.

Yesterday, in the modern equivalent of highway robbery, the scheming swine relieved me of £930 for an annual car park space at the station. It wasn't the fact that the car park was unusable for 3 weeks earlier this year because unlike all the other local businesses they couldn't be bothered to clear the snow that irritated me with the intensity of a hemorrhoid flare up. No, it was the fact that £930 represents a more than 10% increase on last year's cost. £930 for a bit of tarmac 50 miles from London....... sods.

Moving on, we have an update from our friend Dirk in Kent  for whom the lights of the commuting experience seemingly grow ever dimmer; enjoy,

"Overflowing man was jutting out into the aisle, probably deliberately so as not to miss the refreshment trolley as it lumbered past.  With his foot acting as a stabilizing chock he was able to place a substantial order to help fill that needy little hour between tea and high tea, certainly he’d left plenty of room inside for it all to be packed.

It was with some reluctance that he eventually drew himself in to allow the trolley past and we could see what he’d ordered: 3 packets of crisps, 3 packets of fruit cake, 2 kitkats, a packet of miscellaneous biscuits and two cups of tea.  The Snickers bar (one of a double-pack) that he’d been nuzzling as he’d boarded was left half demolished while he tucked in to the main course…or that was the plan for he’d just torn open the first packet of crisps when his phone rang.  “About 7.30” was his response to whatever was asked, and after the next question which we could only guess at there was a considered pause until he answered “boiled would be nice”."