So, Valentine’s Day didn’t go to plan; in fact it was disaster. She stomped off in a huff / let you down gently / spontaneously combusted in a super nova rage / didn’t turn up. Now you’re alone, dumped, cast adrift, let go, tinned. What next? Well, you could shrug your shoulders and look forward to the green grass on the hillside, move on and be happy but that is the least likely immediate outcome. First you probably need to go through the wallowing in misery phase and that, while not good, is an almost guaranteed prerequisite for letting go.
An essential first move is to phone a friend. This won’t end well but you’ll do it anyway, (it’s all part of the cathartic cleansing process). Your chum will turn up somewhat mystified as to why you’ve chosen him and while his thoughts are full of the forthcoming Six Nations round, six pints at the Nags Head and a greasy kebab on the way home you just want him to say the words, “she’ll be back.” He’ll say a lot more of course and may inadvertently say the SBB sentence but actually, that’s all you’ll be listening for and the rest will go over your head. Big mistake; in amongst the rest of his verbiage there will probably be some well intentioned and well thought out phrases that go something along the lines of, “she never seemed wholly committed,” “she always seemed to be busy when you needed her,” “she liked mirrors,” “and James,” “she never did quite understand the importance of the pack and the beauty of the driving maul,” “she always got a lot of texts,” “that Diana flicking hair thing never worked for me.”
What you should mostly be doing of course is staying off the booze, going on a fitness kick, eating healthily, throw yourself into work and book yourself on an Amazonian expedition to give yourself something to aim for. Work for a charity and take up a new hobby. In short, be interesting and interested. You won’t though; all that comes later.
Here you are then, the sob-story-loves-lost-track list. Interestingly, when I dipped into my imusic cloudy thing I notice that generally, they do seem to make an awful lot more sad songs than happy ones. Here are some of the best................ (and just to counterbalance it I’m going to post some upbeat tracks later this week). Anyway, as you’re staring into the bottom of your whisky glass here’s some music to make you feel even more maudlin, (the really heartbroken will just play the same track on loop):
It Keeps Raining Fats Domino (need just one track? This is the one).
A World Without Love. Peter & Gordon
Without You. Nilsson (makes most lists)
You Were On My Mind. Crispin St Peters
Song To The Moon. Lesley Garret
Lara's Theme. Dr Zhivago (Mrs Flashbang cries like a waterfall whenever she hears this.. don't ask)
Rose Marie. Slim Whitman (everyone needs some Country in their lives)
You Don't Know What You've Got Ral Donner
Only the Lonely. Roy Orbison
Take These Chains From My Heart. Dean Martin
Take That Look Off Your Face Marti Webb
Different Drum. Linda Ronstadt, (Stone Poneys)
Lovers Cross. Jim Croce
Stand by Me. Annalaise Emerick
Ashokan Farewell. The Scottish Fiddle Orchestra
Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall. The Inkspots
She's Not You. Elvis Presley
I Was The One. Elvis Presley
Are You Lonesome Tonight Elvis Presley (my.... this guy did sad)
Elusive Butterfly. Bob Lind
Mandy. Barry Manilow
Out of Time. Chris Farlowe
Harry's Game. Clannad
Unchained Melody. Elvis Presley (best version)
Long Gone Lonesome Blues. Leon Redbone
I Fall To Pieces. Patsy Cline
Where Do You Go To (my lovely) Peter Sarstedt
The Dark Island Various, (you'll be able to catch me at my funeral leaving the church to this one).
I've Had An Absolute **** Of A Day Kevin "Bloody" Wilson (18+ X rude, do not ever listen in front of your mother, (he's Australian)).
That's enough to get you through the first bottle of Aberlour, (do not compromise on quality of whisky at this point in your life; you've been through enough and deserve a decent dram). Then it's time to suck it up, man up and move on. We'll deal with recovery in a later post!