Starving Baboons on South West Trains

Now, I have no idea who this chap is. He must though be a man of fortitude and self reliance for given the way he was gorging on that giant burrito thing, and gurgling from his water bottle like a dehydrated water buffalo, on the 19:30hrs to Portsmouth last night, I have to think that he had just returned from 2 years in the Serengeti or 6 months up the Limpopo without a paddle or bag of chips to his name. Oblivious to all around why wouldn't you buy the messiest, smelliest food available and then proceed to eat it in the close confines of a railway carriage like a starving baboon? He did and to keep him company the girl in front was wading her way through  some Asian creation just opposite the American girl who was yapping away on her telephone while glugging her bottle of red wine (large). 

The thing is, individuals can mostly do what they please in the confines and privacy of their own homes. Why though, can't they wait on returning home to make their call or wolf down some street food?

Given they display zero consideration for their fellow commuters we need to change the rules, or in fact impose some rules. Travellers should be made to sit a test in front of a board of senior commuters to ratify that they are fit and proper citizens before being allowed to acquire a season ticket. They'll be questioned on platform etiquette, enquiries to the guard etiquette, attitudes to adopt in moments of severe disruption and delays, allowable snacks and refreshments, courtesy to fellow travellers (including use of electronic devices and allowable films), and correct use and storage of umbrellas.