How To Win A General Election With A Landslide; No 1

The analysis of last nights leaders debate is, of course, mostly a self perpetuating discussion between the political and media establishment, neither of whom can truly be said to represent the electorate who have long since been disenfranchised from any meaningful input. I've yet to talk to anyone who was left feeling upbeat and enthusiastic about any of the candidates but the real gloom and despair is left  for Tory supporters who are badly in need of a combative uplift.

Some observers feel that Cameron had a better debate, others think Clegg buttressed his positive position. So what? Well, the real winner is Brown. Whichever way I look at this thing, Brown is coming out on top. He must be overjoyed that he is still in touch with Cameron and could very possibly form the next government, coalition or otherwise. Who knows what tricks the Dark Lord has up his sleeve for the final run-in but you can be confident that there will be some upside surprises coming from Brown in the next 2 weeks, that's for sure and for certain.

Meanwhile, Cameron, who departed from the script very early on that said he should have an unassailable lead at this point, in fact I doubt he ever opened it, should be flapping and if he isn't, now would be a good time to wake up and start. Whilst I'm still of the view that the Clegg fire will burn out and the Tories will be returned with a majority, it's always a mistake to underestimate the bovine stupidity of whole legions of voters. The fact is, there is little sense of purpose or conviction to the Tory campaign. Actually, we all know it's been absent for years. There is no intellectual philosophy underpinning manifesto commitments and the "be nice to one, be nice to all," approach only leaves an impression of vapid weakness.

Moreover, the obvious inclination to downplay the Etonian thing only increases suspicion that Cameron is more spin than substance. He ought to stand up and be proud of it and note that we're quite used to having an Etonian at the helm every twenty or so years; it's been happening for at least the last hundred and fifty so I don't think anyone cares particularly. Competence is more of an issue.

So, we're all in rather a pickle because the last thing we want is more wanton destruction of our way of life and social engineering on an epic scale by Brown. It's time then, to go nuclear and deploy Hunk of Junk's manifesto.

Given all three "leaders," and I use that term very loosely, have displayed a total lack of understanding or just ignorance of the big picture issues facing people, I'm going to take everything down to a simple level that even David Cameron can understand. We can only hope that he might connect with at least some of the voters out there, who at the moment are bewildered and bemused at the sight of these manufactured individuals talking at manufactured events with manufactured arguments which are devoid of passion and emotion. It's all just a bit too American for most people.

In fact, and it grieves me to say it, the only people out there who are articulating the concerns of Joe Public are the BNP with UKIP trailing some way behind. That the main parties have left so many voters behind that the BNP are picking them up is horrifying. The BNP though, are smart. At a local level they take care of the little things that improve the community. Their local councillors make sure that broken windows are fixed, that playgrounds are fixed and that street lamps work. Smart but insidious for this is exactly how Nazisim began. Still, I'm not proud, if it works for them lets just nick it and get DC some traction.

So, over the coming days I'll be drip feeding some smart thinking which will turn the tide, reconnect DC with the voting public and bring the Tories back with a landslide. None of it is complicated but it will bloody work.

How To Win A General Election With A Landslide; No 1

Say this sentence on national television, "If you as a householder request it, I guarantee that your wheelie bin will be emptied every week, at no extra cost."

There, job jobbed.

Wakey Wakey!

David Cameron and his chums seem to think all they have to do in order to be installed in Downing Street after the General Election is not to cock anything up, take no risks and turn up on the day. I've got news for you sunshine, trying to be Tony Blair isn't working and nor are you. If this doesn't light a fire under you I don't know what will,


Thats right, the polls this weekend show the smallest lead for fourteen months over the most incompetent and corrupt government we've ever endured. It's time to get a sense of urgency and purpose if we're going to eject these wasters and I see no sign of it to date from the all things to all men Tory HQ. It's not fvcking working. It's almost as if they've been handed a winning lottery ticket and they're hard at work colouring in all the other boxes, just in case; muppets.

What we can do here, instead of swanning off to Brussels to tell the Germans we'll be nice to them if the Tories should, despite all their efforts to the contrary, win; is tell the rest of us in simple words how our lives will improve under the Tories. You might think that was a pretty simple exercise, given life for many of our countrymen could hardly be worse, but they fail consistently to get it right. Being a generous hearted fellow I'm going to give them a starter for ten. One simple thing that will get people on their side.

Get the fvcking bins emptied every week.

No discussion, no debate, no committees - "your bins will be emptied every week and any Local Council that is too stupid, arrogant or incompetent to do it will be replaced."

Interesting that these politicians are so scared of their own shadows that they are incapable of grasping the simplest concepts. Remember, it was the Tories in the 19th century who led the devolution of powers to Local Councils in order to improve standards of hygiene and sanitation. Of course, there are many big picture policy areas that they can, and do talk about but those issues can be covered in flannel. You see, the bins are very simple. Either they're emptied or they are not.

Gilts took fright this morning and yields rose on the back of yesterdays poll in the Sunday Times which suggests that if an election today we would be left with the buggers muddle of a hung parliament. Gilts aren't the only things taking fright I can tell you. Someone give Cameron a flying kick up the arse FFS.